How I Busted My Partner Cheating
This is my story of how I busted my partner of 3 years cheating on me. From the moment I met her, through to my suspicions and final break up. I’m writing this not only to give you a background of my experiences but also in the hopes that people can relate to it and can help them in some way.
It was set to be another standard Saturday night out with friends hitting the local night clubs. Get drunk, hit the dance floor and maybe get lucky. The same standard night out and to be honest, I was never really a big fan of one night stands. It all just seemed so empty and fake. I was looking for something more meaningful, something special.
It wasn’t until we moved onto another club and as soon as I walked in, I saw her. She was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. Our eyes met across the room and it was like everything stopped: the music, the noise. At that moment it felt as if we were the only ones in the bar.
I made my way to the bar with a slight detour to talk this curly haired beauty. I asked her if she wanted a drink and it was like she lit up at the realization that I had come over to talk to her. Quickly returning with our drinks we hit it off immediately. Her name was Julia and she lived in a nearby city that was roughly 1 hour drive away from my home town. We talked non stop until the bar closed down and exchanged numbers so that we stay in touch.
The “Perfect” Relationship
After the night we met I couldn’t wait to see this girl again. We had many dates not long after and quickly became ‘an item’. I loved everything about her: her bubbly and funny personality, her intellectual thinking and not to mention being drop dead sexy. I told everyone about Julia and how amazing I thought she was. It’s safe to say my friends and family were probably sick of me talking about her to be honest.
Although we still lived in different cities, we would make sure that we stayed in contact if we couldn’t see each other physically. We would go on overseas holidays together at least once a year. Sometimes in luxurious hotels, sometimes backpacking or camping in the middle of nowhere. Either way, if it was time spent with her I was the happiest I had ever been.
Looking back, we never fought or had arguments like some couples do. I thought I was the luckiest guy in the world to have found Julia and be in the most perfect relationship I could imagine.
I began to have suspicions that something wasn’t right roughly 1 year into the relationship. It was the small things like not writing back to messages that I had sent her or she would reply to my gigantic detailed messages with a couple of sentences. I couldn’t tell if something was up or she just simply wasn’t that into me anymore. Either way, I knew something wasn’t right.
I started to notice that she was hanging out with a guy named Chris quite a lot but always reassured me they were just friends. I trusted her (as I have always done in relationships) but there was something odd that would happen. She started to purposely leave his name out when telling stories and replace it with ‘a friend of mine’. For example “…and this friend of mine got really drunk and did so and so”. I started to probe that a little by always asking “which friend?” and the answer would always come back: “oh, just Chris”.
I remember we were in bed one night and she asked me if I had ever gone through a partner’s phone before. The question threw me but quickly answered “No”. This was true, I had never suspected anyone of cheating on me before. She went on to tell me how she had caught her previous partner going through her phone and said that if she ever caught me doing the same that she would break up with me. What?! Who says that?! She started this conversion completely out of the blue and all I could think about that night was what the hell was on her phone?!
Looking for Proof
My suspicions were killing me. I couldn’t think of anything else but her and Chris fucking each other while I sat around like a total fool, wasting my time. I didn’t have a scrap of evidence apart from a gut feeling something was going on. Was I just jealous? paranoid? I couldn’t take it any longer. It was time to look for the truth.
Using some of the methods and techniques that I’ll be discussing in this blog, I was able to access both Julia’s phone and her computer with enough time to save all the messaging data onto my computer to go through when I had a some time alone.
I decided to start with the messages between her and Chris. It only took a couple of sentences in for my heart to sink. Message after message of what could only be described as detailed ‘sexting’ peppered with general conversation. Some of the message were written while we were on holidays together. Some were even dated on my birthday! This was bad enough but the thing that truly made me feel sick was that the date stamp on when these messages started. Almost exactly 1 month after we got together. Our whole 3 year relationship was nothing more than a joke to her. I was just her little play toy. Her little play toy that would be there for her when she needed something but all fun times were to be spent with someone else.
The other discovery that was also hurtful was that she had confided in some of her friends about her relationship with Chris. Not one of them told her that it wasn’t a good idea nor did they ever tell me in the entire 3 years that they knew about it. Thanks guys!
After reading the evidence in black and white I went on a roller-coaster of emotions. Initially I felt that deep sick feeling you get like when you think you’ve lost your wallet or fallen for a scam. This followed by hours of balling my eyes out which then morphed into strong vengeful feelings. I wanted that BITCH to feel the sort of pain that I had felt. My mind started to fill with ideas of how I could humiliate her, how I could well and truly FUCK her over.
Wait. This isn’t me. If I do all of these nasty things to her it doesn’t make me any better than the kind of person she is. I decided to let the new found knowledge settle in my head for a week before doing anything brash.
After a week of contemplating how I was going to move forward with the situation I had come to grips with the realities and decided to take the high road. There was no point in wasting my energy trying to make another person’s life hell. The sooner I move on and get a fresh start the better. As they say, “Happiness is the greatest revenge”. After all, she doesn’t deserve to be with someone as loving and caring as I am. I deserve better than someone who doesn’t care about me and who has absolutely no respect for me at all. It was time to call her out on what she’s been doing and end this thing.
I had planned my entire speech for days and the time had finally come around to confront Julia. It was D-Day. Even though I had all the proof in the world I still felt nervous as hell and was shaking like a leaf. I think it had something to do with the fact that I hate confrontation but strangely enough that I was cutting off someone that I had spent 3 years with, this could not be undone.
She came home from work at the usual time and I calmly told her that there was something I wanted to talk to her about. She didn’t seem overly phased at this point and probably thought it was something minor. I came up with a cover story or ‘red herring’ if you will, that a friend of hers had told me that she was cheating on me. I did mention previously that revenge wasn’t a good idea but I thought this was fine as I considered it ‘white revenge’. It was going to do nothing more than drive her nuts trying to figure out who had told me and possibly start accusing everyone she knows.
Julia started off quite calm and said simply “I don’t know what you’re talking about”. After probing her further she began demanding to know who told me this information. She just kept repeating this line of questioning over and over again. Now, if your partner had accused you of cheating when you weren’t, wouldn’t you want to know who you were apparently cheating with? That would be my first question! When someone make outrageous accusations, I want to know the details! Her focus was completely on who told me and you could see a wave of anger starting to come over her as she began trying to roll a cigarette to calm herself. I say trying because her hands were shaking so much from her rage that tobacco was going all over the place.
I told her that I knew everything and that she should just come clean and at least have the respect to admit what she’s done. She denied everything and told me I’m wrong and even going as far as to call me a “fucking asshole” for even suggesting that she was cheating on me. At this point I was slightly scared by her confidence. Was she just shaking because I had confronted her with misinformation? Had I got it all wrong? Was I throwing away 3 years of a relationship for no reason? Christ, I saw the messages, they couldn’t be misconstrued. I stuck to my guns and told her to pack up her stuff and get out. It was over but with absolutely no admission of guilt from her or an apology.
A couple of days later I got my first message from Julia since the break up. It was fairly lengthy and I thought “Ok, finally she’s decided to at least give me an apology”. Nope. No apology. But she did admit she had cheated on me (surprise, surprise) and would be willing to tell me the whole story in exchange for me giving her the name of the person who told me in the first place. Looks like my little plan had worked, she really wanted to know who this person was. I told her she wasn’t getting any names and that she should be giving me the whole story (not that it really mattered to me but hey, I wouldn’t mind knowing considering it was 3 years of infidelity going on behind my back) out of respect.
I never heard back from Julia until roughly a year later when she sent me another message asking me again who had told me about her being unfaithful. Wow, this really was eating her up inside. At this point I had moved on from her. She was nothing more than a glitch in the matrix. I never replied to her message and never will to any future messages.
A lot has changed since breaking up with Julia. Roughly 6 months later I met my now wife, Steph at a friend’s party and we’ve been together ever since. Steph is everything that I’ve ever wanted in a partner. She’s beautiful, caring and supportive. We had both come out of relationships with cheating partners and it was refreshing to share each others stories. I trust her 100% and know that she would never cheat on me and she knows the same of me.
Looking back on this whole experience, I really should be thanking Julia. She made me realize what was important to me in a relationship and in life in general. Now I’ve found my perfect partner and I couldn’t be happier.
Never settle for second best. If you believe your partner is cheating on you, take the necessary steps to find out the truth. You deserve to know.