5 Things to Avoid when Confronting a Cheater
Confrontation isn’t most peoples strong point. Some deal with it quite well while others would rather cut their right arm off than have to confront someone. Planning and preparation are key in getting out what you want to say as well as not letting your dishonest partner get away with lying to you further.
The ideal outcome is that they admit what they have done, possibly answer any questions you want to ask and apologize. Once there is closure, you can then tell them that you either want to give them another chance or tell them to hit the road!
Here are 5 tips to ensure a straight forward confrontation so that you can move on to bigger and better things.
Give them notice
When confronting anyone, a good rule of thumb is to not let them know ahead of time that you will be confronting them. This adds the element of surprise and ensures that they will be caught off guard, giving you a major advantage.
Think about it, if your partner knows that you know, they will begin to craft excuses and alibis in their head to cover every possible scenario. If they are pulled up suddenly with an impromptu confrontation that they didn’t expect, they become vulnerable and their ability to make excuses is heavily diminished. So avoid telling anyone who might pass on that knowledge onto your soon to be ex-partner and don’t give them a stern head’s up that morning by saying something like “We need to have a serious talk tonight”.
Having evidence is crucial before you confront your partner. A gut feeling or hearsay really isn’t enough. These can be easily misconstrued and you might spend the rest of your life wondering if you broke it off with someone who was completely innocent and who could have been the love of your life.
By evidence I’m referring to text messages on their phone or Facebook, a telephone call or you yourself have eyeballed them being intimate with another person. You don’t go into an exam without studying and you don’t bring a knife to a gunfight. Make sure you know what you’re confronting them about and that you have evidence to back up your accusations.
When you first see the signs that your partner might be cheating and you have found evidence to support this, avoid confronting them immediately. Take some time to let your brain absorb the information so that you can make an informed decision about how you want to proceed with the relationship.
Making a rash decision leaves you unprepared for the confrontation and may lead to an undesirable result. You don’t want the situation to turn violent, affect your reputation or end up with the police / courts involved.
One thing that you definitely want to avoid when confronting a cheating partner is violence. You want to be stern and stand your ground but at the same time remain calm throughout the confrontation. This can be helped by having a game plane of what you plan to say as well as waiting at least a week before you pull them up on their cheating.
The last thing you need on top of an emotional break up is an assault charge. Your partner may become agitated or angry during the process but as soon as you feel uncomfortable or fear for your safety you should tell them and leave the situation.
Initially when you first find out that you’ve been cheated on you may have a strong feeling of vengefulness. You might want to smash something they care about into a million pieces, try and have sex with their best friend or make a public post on social media letting everyone know what you think of them.
Believe me, doing any of these things won’t make you feel any better. They won’t make the deep pain that you feel go away. You will only succeed in confirming (in your ex-partner’s mind) that they made the right decision to cheat on you. Not to mention embarrassing yourself in the process. Take the high road. Make sure you have a supportive group of friends and remember that time is a healer.